Return To Peace
by Kumori sensei
Summary: It has been 6 months since Clarke left Camp Jaha. Peace between the Sky People and the Grounders is falling apart. What will happen when Clarke learns of this? Clexa. I own nothing.


Return To Peace

It had been six months since Clarke left Camp Jaha and the peace between the Sky People and Grounders was falling apart. The one the Grounders respected was Clarke for she had saved the Commander from the _Pauna_ and strived to understand their ways. Kane had taken over keeping good relations with the _Trigedakru_. He was barely keeping everything together. They needed Clarke back. The Grounders didn't care for the Sky People but they did for Clarke and both sides were aware that the Commander was only responsive to her.

Despite this, no amount of search teams could find her. It wasn't anybody's fault, they didn't expect something like this to happen. Clarke needed time and that had been respected. They didn't realize at the time that not having a way to contact the blonde would cause problems. It was another two weeks before Clarke was found. It was by pure coincidence but they ran into each other at a ravine.

"Clarke! There you are!" Bellamy called.

"We've been looking everywhere for you!" Octavia said. "Where the hell have you been?!"

The gang rushed over to her and the blonde blinked at them in surprise. Most of them were hugging her, even Octavia who still had problems with the missile incident. Clarke smiled and was happy to see them but she could tell something was wrong so she cut the reunion short and asked what was the matter. Everyone looked at each other and appeared unsure how to go about it.

"Oh, what are you guys hesitating for?" Octavia sighed in annoyance. "The alliance is falling apart. We need you back."

"O... You don't need to pressure her like that." Bellamy said.

"Yeah, be nicer." Monty said.

Octavia ignored them and glared steadily at the "Sky Princess", as the Grounders liked to call her. Though the girl was frustrated Clarke could see no anger in her eyes. She knew it must be pretty bad for Octavia to admit that she was needed. To tell her to lead them again. The two shared a knowing look and when Clarke nodded the dark haired woman relaxed.

Their returned leader urged them to fill her in on what the situation is currently and then on everything that's happened since she left as they head back to camp. Raven, who talked to them over the radio, screamed at her through it when she heard Clarke was headed to Camp Jaha instead of TonDC where the Commander was. Everyone else was in agreement with her. Except Clarke.

That wasn't to say their leader didn't understand how serious everything was. Far from it actually. And the aim wasn't avoiding Lexa, whom she hadn't seen since her betrayal, either. It was simply that she couldn't change anything unless the camp accepted her coming back. Anything she did would be useless if the rest of her people wouldn't stand by any of the choices she made. Otherwise she would be rushing to the Grounders instead.

Once everyone accepted that it was necessary Clarke was bombarded with questions on what she had been doing. The leader smiled at them and told them she had mostly been learning to fight and hunt. She told them about places she'd been and adventures she went on. Then she talked about some of her drawings, which she finally got the change to enjoy again. Clarke had plenty full of landscapes now due to all the beauty that could be found.

When they arrived back at camp, Raven and her mother were the first to greet her. Raven had run through the gates and hugged her with her mother waiting with a relieved expression. Clarke smiled at them and held back the sudden desire to cry with happiness at seeing the friends she hadn't realized she'd missed so much.

"Next time, make sure you visit us once in a while." Raven said as she pulled away. "Six months and nothing? We thought you were dead."

"Sorry, it won't happen again." Clarke said.

Honestly, she hadn't even realized she'd been gone so long until they told her but she didn't want to use that as an excuse so it was all she could say. Regardless, the others accepted her words easily and then mother and daughter were hugging. Clarke wanted to linger longer. She wanted to hear about a lot of things from her friends. Hear about what they had been doing the last six months. She wanted a peaceful time with her friends but she knew she couldn't have that. Not quite yet.

So she reluctantly pulled away from her mother and Abby smiled in understanding when they locked eyes. Lincoln, who was normally helping Kane maintain the alliance, came and greeted Octavia since they had returned a couple hours ago. Clarke and him nodded to each other, not needing much more in the ways of greeting. Clarke's next words came as a surprise to no one.

"How's Lexa?" Clarke asked the ex-Reaper.

"Not well." Lincoln said. "Her leadership is slipping and all the _Trigedakru_ can sense it. They are very unsettled due to the Commander's lack-luster. She has slowly stopped caring and makes poor choices."

"Is that one of the reasons the alliance is falling apart?" Clarke asked.

Lincoln inclined his head in agreement. Clarke made a troubled face and appeared torn. Everyone understood why. However Clarke did not hesitate when she asked them to take her to Kane. They all shared pleased looks and lead her to the replacement leader. The older man was surprised to see her but all too happy to let her take the reins again. At one point he may have resisted due to her leaving her people like this for so long but he couldn't deny that she was their only hope. The only one who could possibly get through to the Grounder Commander.

The two talked about the people's reaction to her return. After all that was the main problem now. If the people didn't accept her then any progress with Lexa and her people would amount to nothing. What Clarke needed was their forgiveness because it was likely they blamed her for how the peace between the two sides was falling apart due to the undeniable fact that things became tense after she left. People aren't so understanding, especially when they aren't close, when someone needs time to themselves.

It was to Clarke's great surprise and that of Kane and Abby as well when she was welcomed back with open arms. The soldiers who fought alongside her and the families that had children saved thanks to her had no qualms with her retaking her place as their leader. Those who had doubts or who's trust she lost had been turned over thanks to them and her friends. These people had maintained her position as leader while she was gone. The blonde was eternally grateful to them.

Clarke turned to her friends and said she was headed to the Grounder camp now. They smiled encouragingly at her and it was in general agreement that Octavia, Lincoln, and Kane would come with her. The group mounted horses and rushed off to meet with the Grounders. It was under the impression that Clarke and Lexa would end up alone together though. Everyone strongly believed that. Kane was coming for diplomatic purposes and the other two simply since they had friends there.

When they discarded their weapons at TonDC's doors it was only Kane who set aside a gun. The other three no longer carrying one. After all, a gun had its strong points but it could also run out of bullets. There was no way one gun would have been enough for Clarke to survive six months alone in the wilderness so she quickly picked up other skills.

Not to the surprise of anyone present Indra came to scold the group for visiting when there wasn't a council meeting or more accurately it had ended earlier that day. As soon as she saw Clarke though the words died on her lips. Her expression changed several times over, showing shock, disbelief, irritation and lastly, defeat. With a sigh she whirled around and ordered the Sky Princess to follow her. Clarke smiled in amusement at the woman who didn't like her yet had developed grudging respect for her.

They stopped in front of Lexa's personal tent and Indra didn't even bother to announce Clarke's presence. She just scowled at the girl and waved irritatedly at the tent entrance, a silent order to go inside. The Sky girl nodded her thanks to the warrior and passed through the flaps with confident steps. The Commander turned hard eyes to who she expected to be a disrespectful Grounder entering her quarters without permission.

The dark woman's face dropped as soon as she saw who it was and paled considerably. The tough exterior Lexa put up fell apart in an instant and she swallowed thickly. Clarke was honestly surprised with how vulnerable the woman was right now. More accurately, she was surprised that she so openly showed it. The blonde had intended to be a bit harsh with Lexa, the betrayal still stinging at her heart even if the anger had long since faded away. It was because she didn't want that anger to fade because with it would come forgiveness and Lexa had done nothing to deserve it.

Clarke cared deeply for the Commander she knew for a few short weeks and she couldn't deny the fact that it was why she was able to overlook what Lexa had done or the fact that the same hadn't applied to her own mother. It said a lot about her feelings for her and she didn't want to make the same mistake twice if the Commander would do something like that again. With the face the brunette was making right now she just couldn't bring herself to act cold and uncaring towards her.

"It's been a while, Lexa." Clarke greeted awkwardly.

"I thought you left." Lexa said and then immediately looked like she regretted it.

"I did. My people came looking for me." Clarke told her calmly. "They said that the alliance was falling apart and needed me back. They say you've distanced yourself from your people."

"Clarke, it has never been my intention to end the peace between our people." Lexa said with a worried expression.

It took Clarke a moment to realize where that comment came from.

"I'm not blaming you for it, Lexa." Clarke said. "If you wanted it to end then you would have done so already. You have the power to do so after all. It's the fault of my people for not caring to understand yours and only thinking of avoiding a war, it's mine for disappearing for six months and leaving in the hands of those people, and it's yours for distancing yourself from your people and not caring to try anymore.

"It's all of our faults but I'm not mad about it. There's no one we should be blaming. Neither of our people are thinking of the future, of coming to understand one another and move past the pain we've caused each other. It was our responsibility to make them see that possibility. I left knowing I hadn't and that the betrayal would leave them unwilling and unbelieving even if I had stayed. We were supposed to show them together but we didn't. I left because I couldn't live with what I had done and had to come to terms with who I am, I left to make myself a better leader but I left when I shouldn't, before ensuring that our people wouldn't go to war but I know that back then I couldn't have. The betrayal was too fresh. I'm not confident I could be standing here then without destroying everything. And Lexa, though I don't really know everything that's going on with you, I'm sure your reasons are just too."

The Sky Princess had watched how the woman's face changed with everything she said. It had started off with a little surprise and relief at hearing she didn't blame her. She flinched at the mention of her not caring to try anymore despite Clarke saying it kindly and looked like she wanted to say something but didn't. The sadness that washed over her face when the blonde talked about making their people move towards a better future had the shorter woman wanting to hug the other and promise that they could still create that future. However the biggest thing was how as soon as her betrayal was mentioned Lexa dropped her gaze and refused to look up even once after.

An awkward silence settled over them then. Clarke knew they needed to talk about the betrayal but she didn't know what to say, where to begin. She didn't know where Lexa stood on that anymore and that could greatly affect the direction of the conversation. If Lexa swore to her she would never sacrifice her people again she would give her another chance. Clarke wouldn't blindly trust her again but Lexa would have the opportunity to earn it back.

Clarke's chest was tight with conflicting feelings from the pain of the brunette's betrayal and the strong desire to comfort the woman who looked so distraught. She stared across the room at her, where she was standing by the table in one corner of the room, and resisted the urge to stride over to her and do just that. As much as she wanted to the blonde wasn't about to just let things go. This had to be dealt with first. Then she would allow herself to be there for the woman and soothe away as much of the Commander's anguish as she was able.

The blonde closed her eyes and tried to get her head together. She cared a great deal about Lexa and she hated seeing her in pain. She kept telling herself to hold out a little longer, just a little longer. Clarke ordered herself to sort out their problems first. It was the knowledge that the result of this conversation would affect the extent of which she could comfort the rarely seen emotional Commander that gave her the strength to hold back.

"I did what I had to for my people." Lexa said with a strained expression.

"...I know." Clarke said with some tension.

Those two words had Lexa looking at her again. Shocked and disbelieving eyes stared into blue orbs. Clarke's face was filled with tension and her eyes were sad yet understanding. The Commander's body shivered when she noticed that in those eyes that didn't display the trust they used to there was also no hatred. No hatred even though she had left Clarke's people to die. The people Clarke said was her only wish to see safe. Lexa didn't know how to respond to those words and a short silence filled the air with tension before Clarke spoke again.

"Did you expect me to hate you?" Clarke asked.

She opened her mouth to continue but then looked away as she hesitated and it was obvious that what she said next was different from what she was originally going to say.

"I'm sure you already know that I killed all the Mountain Men through radiation poisoning to save my people." Clarke said. "Even though I knew it would also kill the children, the innocent, and the ones that helped us. That decision nearly broke me and I left my people. I put my people above everyone else just like you did but that doesn't change the fact that I trusted you and you betrayed me. That's not the real issue right now though. An alliance will never hold without trust and... really, I want to trust you I do but... if you could do that all over again then I can't. Not with my people's lives. Not for you to make a different choice when it saves your people."

"I have to put my people first Clarke." Lexa said reluctantly. "And you've just admitted you would do the same, have you not?"

"...You're wrong Lexa, I wouldn't sacrifice the Grounders... no, the _Trigedakru_ any sooner than I would my own." Clarke said. "The reason I was so shocked with your choice, why I didn't see it coming, why I trusted you so blindly wasn't because I had misconceptions on your priorities. I just thought that we looked at each other's people the same way but we don't. The difference has never been that we aren't willing to sacrifice other people for our own, it's that I started seeing your people as my people and... you didn't."

The tortured expression that came over the Commander almost made Clarke wish she hadn't said anything. Her heart desperately wanted her to simply forgive her and put her faith in her again. To just look past everything that happened because she could _see_ just how much that decision had destroyed Lexa. She wanted that woman to heal, to be the one to heal her. She wanted so much to never see that expression again but Clarke knew these things needed to be said for them to move forward.

Now that she'd admitted to caring for Lexa's people as much as her own, that she would fight for them just as desperately and with the same tenacity, maybe just maybe Lexa could do the same. They could finally move to a future where they weren't _Trigedakru_ and Sky People but part of a single clan. It would take time but if they could start seeing each other like that and grow together it would be wonderful and Clarke truly wished for that future. A future with their people united as one, a future with them together too.

Clarke slowly approached the warrior against her better judgment. The main reason she had kept the distance up was to hold herself back but that distance felt like it was too much. It ate at her and she knew it got to Lexa too. She knew from back before the betrayal that it did and as soon as Clarke took a step "too close" the Commander took a step back and right into the table. This scene was all too familiar but this time instead of lashing out at Lexa she was trying to reach her.

The blonde ceased moving at that moment and quietly stared at the brunette. She had promised to always look out for her people, Lexa should be able to see that from what she said. There was no hatred, only pain. Clarke hadn't really decided if it was a mistake to have trusted Lexa back then. She knew it was never the woman's intentions to betray her, that she never wanted to do it.

The Commander had to make the hard choices, Clarke knew, but she wondered if Lexa simply ran away again. If she had chosen not to risk adding Clarke's people to her own only to realize Clarke hadn't done the same. Was that all there was to it? Or was something else holding her back? Clarke no longer cared for the reason but instead cared for if anything could change.

"Kane came here looking to avoid a war." Clarke said after a while. "I came here looking for a future but you're the one who has to decide if it's possible or not."

That's it. That was all Clarke had left to say on the matter. Until Lexa gave her an answer anyway. So they stood there in silence as Lexa continued to avoid her gaze and swallowed thickly. Clarke didn't back down though. She didn't assume that it meant anything. She just stood there, silently waiting. Minutes rolled by without an answer and the blonde wanted to coax Lexa further, to say that all she had to do was promise she wouldn't betray her people again and she would give her another chance but she didn't.

She couldn't because this had to be the Commander's choice and if she reached too much for the woman's heart then she would slip through her fingers. Lexa strived to always make choices with her head and Clarke was worried that if she pushed too much she wouldn't hold to what she said today. It was hard for her not to try though. After all, she wanted to stay by this person's side and how could she do that if Lexa didn't agree with her?

"I... I can't." Lexa said it like the words were her enemy.

Those words stung at Clarke's chest and she wordlessly closed her eyes and stepped back. It did not slip her notice however that Lexa dug her fingers into the table as she clenched her hands. Blue eyes gazed at those hands and then the tense face understanding exactly what it meant; that Lexa hated that she put distance between them and that she blamed herself for it. That's about all it took for Clarke's resolve to accept Lexa's decision to crumble and suddenly she was reaching an invisible hand towards her again.

"The Sky is the only one that needs peace, I know that." Clarke said. "And that's fine since I'm sure we'll figure something out but Lexa neither choice will hurt your people. However only one will hurt you."

"Enough. I've made my choice." And Lexa stood up straight once again, trying to pull herself back together.

"With your head, right?" Clarke scoffed. "I don't think you are. I think you're just scared of the alternative. I think you're scared of what your main reasons for it would be but you _can't_ say that peace between our people is a bad thing and that helping each other grow is either. Times like these are when you _should_ be making choices with your heart, Lexa. Our enemies are gone. This is where we strive to give our people a better future and you saying you can't care for my people the same way is nothing but a lie. It's just you hiding from your emotions, like always.

"I know you can. All you have to do is decide to for yourself. That's why I'm here pleading so insistently with you to make that choice. Because I know the person I put all my trust in wasn't a lie. That she's right in front of me, hidden under her armour. We both know that if our people come together things will change. The way we've lived up to this point will change. It won't just be about survival anymore but _living_. Your laws can change, they don't have to be so harsh and unrelenting."

Clarke was breathing hard for throwing that out there so quickly and earnestly. She stared at Lexa and really could have hit her when she could see that it _still_ wasn't enough. It was frustrating and she wanted to rip her hair out while screaming bloody murder and yet she just cared _too much_ to let her go. To let things end like this and the blonde found herself spewing more words out without any real idea of what she was saying until it was already out in the air.

"Do you not realize I'd _already_ forgiven you for everything before I even walked in this tent? I came to terms with everything these past six months, with you and what I've done. I accepted that there was nothing you could do that would ever stop me from helping you if you ever needed it, from protecting you if I ever knew you were in danger, from healing you as long as I could! And so help me god I'm not going to let you destroy yourself because you think love is weakness and damn it, just say-"

Before Clarke could finish she was cut off by the abrupt feeling of lips on hers. Her eyes widened as she saw the older woman's eyes squeezed tightly shut and her brows knitted together in desperation. Oh how she wanted to respond in kind. Every muscle in her body begged her to kiss Lexa back. Clarke denied herself of that, both of them of it, because it would promise Lexa something she still couldn't give her. Still not yet.

So when she pulled away Lexa was immediately staring into her eyes and she got all the answer she needed in them. Though Clarke had forgiven her those eyes still shone with the pain of the betrayal. It wasn't something she'd ever healed from. That pain wasn't only for herself though. Some of it was for Lexa because the last thing she ever wanted to do was hurt her. The brunette's vulnerable eyes softened with understanding and how could she possibly be upset with Clarke still telling her no when the only reason she did was because she had hurt her.

For Clarke she smiled reassuringly and caressed a cheek. Instead of looking relieved Clarke only looked more upset for causing the brunette pain and the pain that had been for herself seemingly vanished before her eyes. Lexa knew from the moment the Sky Princess had started talking about her that she was doomed and that she would wait as long as she had to for this woman. The way her own feelings had come second to Lexa's in her words and those eyes had snatched her heart in an iron grip. If it was Clarke she simply didn't have the strength to resist and she didn't want to either.

Lexa pressed their foreheads together for a moment, closed her eyes and murmured something quietly in her native tongue. A small smile suddenly graced her face. The tension that ran up Clarke's back disappeared once that happy expression welcomed her and she couldn't help but smile back. Then the brunette pulled away even though she did not want to, respecting that it would change in time. Confident that the Sky Princess would one day be hers.

"Are you okay now?" Clarke asked.

Lexa did that eye nod of hers which in all honesty Clarke thought was really cute. She would tell her one of these days when she could give the Commander what she wanted. Instead she just smiled at her and said that they should show the _Trigedakru_ that too. Green eyes nodded to her again with a gentle expression. When they came outside it shocked everyone at how the Commander's mood had improved so much. Somehow it lead to the _Trigedakru_ showing Clarke more respect which she really didn't think was necessary but wisely chose not to comment on it.

The two of them walking around together was enough to tell the three that came with Clarke that everything was coming back together. In the past Clarke had mainly followed Lexa around when she was with her but this time it seemed that the woman's only goal was to stay close to her. The Sky woman didn't mind but the reaction of the Commander's people was enough to scream at her that it was extremely weird. It took her a moment to realize it was because as Commander she would never have followed behind anyone.

The people of TonDC became overly jovial and it was practically a celebration as they saw their Commander in high spirits again. Clarke thought it was sweet and she smiled at the Commander in a way that seemed to say, "See? Caring isn't weakness." Lexa smiled a little at her and soon noticed that the blonde was making a point to stay close to her people so that the Grounders so happy that their Commander was back to her usual self could spend time together.

"What did you say earlier?" Clarke asked when they weren't surrounded by a mob of _Trigedakru_.

"Hm? It was nothing. Forget it." Lexa brushed the subject off.

"What's with that?" Clarke laughed lightly. "Saying something to me you know I won't understand."

Lexa's silence was enough to tell Clarke she wasn't getting an answer no matter what so she dropped the subject. Hours went by with them together and the Commander had come to notice that Octavia threw Clarke dirty looks every now and again. When asked about it the blonde shrugged it off and explained that she was pretty sure the raven haired girl was still mad about the missile attack though not in so many words since there were other people around. Lexa frowned at the Sky woman.

"Does it not bother you?" Lexa asked. "Especially after you protected her afterwards."

"She doesn't know about that." Clarke told her. "And I'm fine. Really. I've had one person or another hate me since Finn died."

"Finn was not your fault."

"No, but I killed him."

"That was a kindness."

"Well, she loved him too. And longer. She would have rather went to war than see him die."

"That is foolish. I do not understand why your people could so easily dismiss what he did."

"It's not that we were dismissing it. Truthfully, my people have died for less. We were trying to be better, struggling to be better than what we were on the Ark. We... didn't want to kill people anymore."

Lexa was silent, watching her, and Clarke understood that she was waiting to see if she would say anything more on the matter. Lexa had never asked what it was like living in space on the Ark and Clarke in turn had never offered. It wasn't that telling Lexa bothered her, she simply didn't think much of those days anymore. It felt like it was so far in her past but it hadn't even been a year since she fell to Earth with the original 100.

The blonde looked over at Lexa who only stared back without a word and then up at the starry sky. A lot of time had passed since she arrived at the Grounder camp and she noticed that they'd migrated away from everyone else. Thinking about it now, Clarke could hardly recall what the Earth looked like from up there. She thought it was kind of funny since she could still clearly remember her father, who she hadn't seen far longer.

The Sky Princess knew that the Commander wanted to hear more but where was Clarke to begin? She'd spent many years on the Ark so it was hard to think of one thing in particular to talk about. The silence lingered too long though and Lexa got the wrong impression. She murmured an excuse to head back, saying it was late and she should return home. Clarke smiled at the small sign of insecurity and gently told the taller girl to wait. Lexa turned to her uncertainly.

"What do you want to know?" Clarke asked.

"Anything is fine." Lexa whispered and looked embarrassed.

"You know I lived on that ship for nearly 18 years, that's a really broad area." Clarke teased lightly.

"Then tell me how you ended up coming down here." Lexa said. "You were one of the first to come, yes? What qualified you?"

Clarke blinked in surprise, not expecting such a touchy subject to come up. She really should have seen it coming though with Lexa knowing next to nothing about the Ark. Clarke had really expected her to ask something about her culture or life in space but she could see why this would interest the other woman.

Besides she was sure Lexa thought there were serious qualifications to be sent here when their really weren't and Clarke supposed the girl must think she would end up talking about some of her strong points. She couldn't get mad at Lexa for asking about something she didn't realize was a bit of a sore spot for her so she gave a somewhat sad smile at the memory. Lexa didn't fail to notice and stood straighter at the unexpected reason. She opened her mouth to say something, probably to ask something else instead, but Clarke spoke up before she could.

"It's okay." Clarke said softly. "There really wasn't any special qualification, it was just all the criminals from that time."

"Criminals? You were a criminal?" Lexa was surprised.

"Yeah, I knew something I shouldn't so they locked me up." Clarke said. "And that was that the Ark was dying, running out of an oxygen supply. The punishment system was pretty straight forward on the Ark, if you were over 18 you would die, if you were younger then you got locked up until you were and then you died. I guess I had about another month up there until I was floated, killed, when I got sent down here with the rest of the 100."

"When were you locked up?" Lexa asked softly.

"When I was 16." Clarke said.

By the end of it Clarke had told Lexa about her father and everything that happened. The woman didn't say anything about it but the blonde knew from how close Lexa was standing to her that it was her attempt at comfort. Clarke didn't expect something so simple to be so effective but it was and she gave the girl an appreciative smile.

The Commander had a surprisingly shy response to her, her eyes fluttering to the side before glancing at Clarke again and then finally dropping to her feet. The Sky Princess blinked slowly in surprise. She had to bite her tongue to stop herself from calling Lexa cute but she's sure it's written all over her face. Clarke didn't know if she was relieved or disappointed that Lexa missed it.

As Lexa seemed to only hover closer to her afterwards, Clarke decided to check on her friends. Make sure they were okay. Not surprisingly, she saw Octavia and Lincoln with Indra. The trio were content together from what the Sky Princess could tell. Although Octavia admittedly glared when she spotted her watching them. Lexa bristled and Clarke knew she was about to confront her so she made a subtle hand gesture to stop and slightly shook her head to tell her to leave things be.

The taller woman's expression tightened slightly, obviously opposed to the idea, but she nodded slightly dropping her eyes for a moment in respect to Clarke's wishes. The blonde smiled at her before looking around for Kane. She spotted him keeping up pretenses and talking with other leaders. She felt she needed to properly thank him later for all this. His being here made it easier for Clarke to take up so much of Lexa's time undisturbed. The two locked eyes and there was a brief nod of acknowledgement and understanding.

The brunette is not oblivious to how the woman of her affections can't seem to tear her eyes away from her friends or how her eyes express such relief and contentment. It made Lexa's heart pound to know that she spent so much time with her when she hadn't seen her friends for just as long. That she spent six months apart from everyone and she gave all this time to her instead of the friends she missed. There was a part of her that wondered if Clarke really hadn't seen them in six months, that she hadn't checked in or visited them.

However she knew Clarke wouldn't make a face like that if she had. She knew that she wouldn't have left the alliance to fall apart, that she would have noticed that something was wrong even if they tried to hide it from her for her benefit. The Sky Princess was their leader after all and she knew her people. Even though she understood all this she found herself asking anyway simply because she wanted to hear Clarke say it.

"You really haven't seen them since you left?" Lexa asked.

They both knew it really wasn't a question though.

"I haven't. I wouldn't have been able to bring myself to leave again if I did." Clarke smiled at Lexa. "After all, I'm their leader right? What would it say if I learned about all this and did nothing?"

The comment was light and Lexa found herself smiling just a little bit. As she stared into kind blue eyes, she knew she was lucky. So very, very lucky. It shouldn't have been so simple to slip into this dynamic after what she did but Clarke's heart was filled with compassion. Six months to accept what she did, six months to sort through her feelings of the betrayal. It had been a long six months but she was only grateful it wasn't longer.

They settled into a comfortable silence and then they heard approaching footsteps so they looked over. It was Kane. He greeted Lexa respectfully before turning his attention to Clarke. He said that the others must have grown anxious by now so he was going to head back now to inform them. Clarke would have loved to leave it at that, to just nod her head and send him away, because she honestly didn't want to leave Lexa yet but she was leader. It was her job to comfort and reassure her people. She was grateful for what Kane was trying to do but she came back prepared for her responsibilities and she was carry them.

Clarke shared a look with the dark woman next to her and she immediately understood and nodded. The blonde turned to Kane and told him she would leave with him in a minute. He didn't even bat an eye, simply nodded his head and said he would get the other two. Clarke nodded and watched him leave. Lexa was given her attention again and it was a little awkward because neither really knew what to say. Clarke wanted to say some kind of reassuring good bye while Lexa merely struggled not to ask something of the woman she shouldn't. Something she'd already said in _Trigedasleng_ earlier that day.

"I'll see you again soon." She eventually settled with, not wanting to be too blatant about it.

Considering she was talking to Lexa though she's pretty sure that's pretty blatant. Either way, Clarke is very certain she understood what she was doing if the way her eyes softened was any indication. There was a gentle nod and a murmured, "I look forward to it." Then the two parted and the blonde girl reunited with her friends and they headed back to camp.

Kane, of course, wanted to know how things went. It wasn't something she got to answer as Octavia scoffed and answered for it. The raven haired girl rolled her eyes and clearly stated that the two were making heart eyes at each other all day so clearly everything worked out well. Clarke didn't mind Octavia speaking up like that but she was a little startled and embarrassed about how obvious they'd been. She didn't say anything though. Clarke knew Octavia was sharp and perceptive but she had no doubt how obvious they had been.

There was a short silence and then Lincoln quietly asked about the Commander. It surprised Kane and Clarke but his girlfriend only made a sour expression. Clearly it came as no shock to her and she obviously didn't like it but she didn't say a word. It spoke to how much she cared about him that she accepted that his ex-Commander still mattered to him. To be honest Clarke wasn't sure _how_ to answer that question but she did her best and ended up really thinking about their day together. The words Lexa quietly spoke to her in her tent came back to her and she found she really wanted to ask what they meant.

The leader glanced over at Lincoln and Octavia before staring ahead with a mental sigh. She was sure whatever the Commander said must have been serious for her not to translate. Meaning personal. That made Clarke uncomfortable asking Lincoln. She loved the guy the same way she did the rest of her really close friends but she wasn't comfortable with talking to him about something so intimate in her life. On the other hand, she had no qualms with Octavia knowing but the rift between them made asking her rather awkward. That made things really difficult for her since, really, who else could she ask?

When they all returned Jasper, she wasn't surprised, didn't come to see her. She would catch glimpses of him every now and then but he was clearly avoiding her. Clarke didn't make an issue of it. She was the cause of someone he loved dying. The blonde had accepted when she first made that choice that she had essentially betrayed them to save them. She came to terms with that over the past six months and would accept any of the others hate over her choices. Just like Lexa, and even that leader of the Mountain Men, she had chosen to carry that burden so they didn't have to. So that they could be pure and hate her for everything because they would never have to make those tough decisions.

"Hey Princess, patch things up with the Grounder's Commander?" Bellamy asked.

"Yeah, we're good now." Clarke admitted.

"I don't get you and Lincoln." Octavia muttered with resentment. "Or fucking Indra for that matter. You all are so quick to forgive her."

"I can't speak for Indra or Lincoln but," Clarke said, "I'm not different than her in the end. I killed all the Mountain Men, the innocent, the people who helped us... the children. Lexa chose her people over us. I chose us over them. I don't have any right to hate her."

"You didn't make an alliance with them!" Octavia snapped. "You didn't promise to fight with them, to help them, you didn't betray them at the first opportunity and not even bother trying to find a way to save us without abandoning them! It was different and you know it!"

"No, it's not Octavia." Clarke said somberly. "I _killed_ them so that not a single one of you would die. I could have _fought_ and spared people's lives but I _didn't._ Neither did Lexa. The only difference between me and Lexa then was that I saw her people as mine and she didn't. That's why abandoning them wasn't an option. Why I felt so betrayed and hurt when she chose to only save her people.

"It's fine if you can't forgive her Octavia because you can't forgive me either but the truth is I didn't do anything different. That's why I can forgive her. That's why I can't hate her. Because I'm the same. I talked with her and she's determined to prove she won't make that kind of decision again and unless another war breaks out I won't worry about it because she's not the kind of person who would make that decision unless her people were on the line."

Octavia made a bitter face and her face told her everything she wanted to say, how wrong she thought she was and Clarke simply accepted it and walked away. She didn't want to argue with Octavia and she knew it would accomplish nothing anyway. Clarke walked away because she was okay with the girl being mad and resentful. If she couldn't forgive Clarke for sacrificing people, she definitely couldn't forgive Lexa.

The Sky Princess walking away didn't sit well with the girl though and pissed her off even more. Bellamy tried to stop her from going after her but his sister merely shook him off and launched herself at the woman. Octavia grabbed Clarke by the shoulder, spun her around and punched her square in the jaw. Clarke stumbled back but she didn't look surprised and she didn't resist. Even though Clarke had, to the best of her abilities, accepted what she'd done the guilt still weighed heavily on her shoulders and she knew she deserved whatever Octavia dished out on her.

As it would turn out Octavia didn't have it in her to beat the crap out of Clarke if the girl wouldn't fight back. For a brief moment those blue orbs looked _hollow_ and then it was gone but it was there and Octavia had seen it. That brief slip up, which proved Clarke hadn't really gotten over it and reminded her that they'd pulled her back before she had completely dealt with everything, managed to calm the girl down. She scowled and glared and turned away from her.

"I know you think I'm foolish and I know that, even if things turn out for the best, you're right but," Clarke admitted, "I can't not be foolish. I'm sorry."

"Because you're in love with her." Octavia said and it wasn't a question but she got one anyway.

"Because I'm in love with her." Clarke agreed.

Octavia looked back at Lincoln where he stood back with the others and huffed in that understanding way of hers. She looked back at Clarke and made a put off face.

"Fine, but I don't like it." Octavia assented.

"Thank you." Clarke said sincerely.

There were no other words and the miffed woman walked away moodily. If there relationship hadn't been so strained she might have laughed. Clarke's eyes flickered briefly with sadness, missing the friendship they used to share, as she watched her walk away. If anyone noticed they didn't comment on it. Lincoln nodded to her before going after Octavia while the others piled around her, not willing to let her out of their sight now that she was back.

It was later that night while she was talking with Bellamy, who perhaps held the least amount of hostility towards Lexa besides herself, that she admitted that she wanted something Lexa said translated and the woman herself refused to do so. Then she went on to explain why the only two people she could ask, without some kind of awkward explanation she was sure, weren't really an option.

Bellamy nodded to her in understanding. He understood where she was coming from. He glanced over to where Lincoln and Octavia were sitting alone together, talking quietly amongst themselves, and sighed. Then he looked back at Clarke and gave her a kind of lopsided smile.

"I don't know what happened between you and O but," Bellamy said, "she does want to forgive you. I don't think she's even that mad about it anymore. After the Mt. Weather incident and six months to mull everything over she just got really worried about you. I think she's mainly just in denial and mad about you being gone for so long."

"All she does is glare at me, Bell." Clarke said with a sad smile. "I've noticed she's more accepting of me but it doesn't feel like I've been forgiven. I'm not sure I deserve to be either."

"Clarke..." Bellamy said.

"No, it's fine. I knew it wasn't forgivable and I did it anyway." Clarke said. "Maybe there was a better way to handle things but if there was it doesn't matter anymore. I've thought it over and there was no _good_ choice to be made. I've accepted that and the weight of what I've done so it's fine for things to stay like this."

"You're doing what you always do." Bellamy sighed.

"And what's that?"

"Putting aside your personal feelings."

"I guess you're right."

"Go ask her your question. I'm sure she'll answer."

"Alright, but you owe me a drink if you're wrong."

"I can do that so get your ass over there!"

"What? Not going to demand something of me if you're right?"

"Not a chance. If I'm right, you have to make the decision with your heart. Do what _you_ want, not what you thinks best."

"That's a dangerous thing to say, Bell."

"I know."

The two smiled at each other, Bellamy with understanding and Clarke with gratitude. She nodded to him before slowly walking over to Octavia. The duo looked up at her approach and Clarke looked between them before settling her eyes on Octavia. She didn't really want to ask this in front of Lincoln but she didn't really want to explain everything either. She was willing to bet that Octavia would figure it out herself the instant the words came out of her mouth.

Thankfully, Lincoln seemed to pick up on the fact that Clarke wanted a private conversation because he kissed Octavia on the cheek before getting up and wandering off. There was a silence and then Octavia sighed and asked, "What do you want?" Before Clarke knew what was happening she was blurting the words out to Octavia.

"Do you know what _ste kom ai_ means?" Clarke asked a little too quickly.

Octavia's eyes widened and her mouth fell open slightly. That reaction only served to make Clarke more nervous and the silence didn't help.

"Who said that to-I mean, did the Commander, did she say that?" Octavia stumbled over the words.

"U-Um..." Clarke wasn't sure she wanted to answer that.

"She did. W-Wow..." Octavia seemed to be having difficulties processing it.

"Octavia...?" Clarke urged uncertainly.

"Oh, right. Well, uh, she wanted you to stay with her." Octavia said.

This time it was Clarke's turn to have her mouth hanging open. There was a brief moment where Octavia forgot how mad she was with Clarke and started laughing at the shocked and borderline-horrified expression she was making. Then she watched as the blonde glanced back at Bellamy and groaned, a light crimson traveling up her neck.

Octavia was going to ask what was up when Bellamy, who had been watching them, started clutching his stomach with laughter at the Sky Princess's response. She was cursing a storm and muttering about how she was never making bets with him ever again. Clarke looked like was going to die as she muttered a distracted thank you before trudging away in such defeat that Octavia really had to wonder where the hell she was off to now.

So, obviously, she went over to her brother and asked. The answer had her howling herself and Clarke couldn't get away fast enough. The blonde left camp and made her way back to the Grounder camp. The whole way there all she could think about was what the hell she was going to tell Lexa. She didn't want to say she was here because she lost a bet. The Commander, she knew, would be saddened if she put it that way.

Maybe she would just avoid mentioning the bet altogether. That left her wondering if it would give the wrong impression and she _really_ wished she hadn't made that bet with Bellamy. Maybe, if she put it the right way, admitting that her being there had to do with a bet wouldn't sound so bad. Sure, she lost a bet but the cost was doing what she _wanted_ instead of what she thought was _best._ It wouldn't be as bad as saying "I have to spend the night with you because I lost a bet to Bellamy". Yeah, that sounded pretty depressing.

Before she knew it she was standing in front of the Commander's tent and wanted to bang her head against a wall. She was here and she didn't like any of the options she had come up with. There was no way she could just awkwardly stand there until she came up with something better so she mentally sighed and stepped inside. Lexa, not surprisingly, was surprised to see her. Clarke decided that honesty would be for the best. She still had no idea where to start though.

"Why are you here, Clarke?" Lexa asked.

"Unless Octavia's understanding of Trigedasleng is lacking or I butchered what you said earlier then I'm pretty sure _you're_ the one who asked me to stay." Clarke said lightly.

Then, suddenly, she realized that _yes, those two things could have happened_ and she prayed that neither did because then this would be really embarrassing. The way the brunette's face morphed with a mix of panic and worry assured her that they didn't. Though she felt a little bad that her relief came at Lexa's expense.

"I didn't really think she would translate for me but Bellamy told me I should try and made me promise to do what I wanted to based on the answer and not what I thought was for the best so," Clarke coughed awkwardly, "here I am."

They felt awkward as they stood there in silence. Clarke was waiting for Lexa's response but the Commander didn't know what to do. She stood there, uncertain of how to react.

"...You don't have to be here, Clarke." Lexa said with a strained voice.

"I'm aware." Clarke finally looked at her again with a gentle smile.

Lexa swallowed thickly but didn't move a muscle.

"I... don't want you to leave." Lexa whispered.

And she was talking about more than just tonight. She was admitting she was afraid to lose her, that she thought she might do something to make the woman hate her. Her tone, her eyes, they said a lot and Clarke knew. She could see everything that Lexa wasn't saying and...

"I'm not going to." Clarke said unhesitatingly.

The brunette's mouth felt dry after hearing that and she desperately wanted to close the space between them. To reach out and touch her. To feel the other woman's warmth. An innocent desire and Clarke understood without any words. So she extended an arm to her with a small smile and told her to "come here". If she did something like that Lexa wouldn't be able to resist. Which made it not at all surprising when the woman walked into the other's arms.

The Commander breathed slowly, her nose buried in the blonde's neck. Clarke slid one hand into her hair with the other held firmly to her waist. Lexa pressed herself into the other woman. They stood like that for a while, the older woman allowing herself to be comforted by the other's warmth and presence. Clarke gently caressed her hair and held her close but then the Commander pulled away with an adoring look on her face.

The Sky leader could see how badly she wanted this and more. Lexa soon managed to suppress the expression and turned away from the woman. The Commander began to slowly disarm herself and ready herself for bed. Clarke took the opportunity to do so as well. It wasn't long before the latter was seated on the bed of furs and patiently waited for Lexa while watching her.

When the brunette turned to her it almost surprised Clarke to see her approach with a rarely seen shy expression. The two somewhat awkwardly settled into bed. They stared up at the ceiling side by side. Lexa didn't know what to do, what was _okay,_ Clarke wasn't really sure either. She turned to Lexa and saw a hint of panic in her eyes. The newly returned leader's eyes softened and she smiled warmly at the nervous woman.

Lexa didn't see the expression until the blonde interlaced their fingers and squeezed reassuringly, her head snapping over to her in surprise. That expression washed away all her tension and soothed her nerves but still managed to make her heart race. Without saying anything Clarke had assured the other woman that everything was okay, she didn't need to worry, and without further hesitation and a firm squeeze back Lexa rolled over and snuggled into the Sky Princess's side.

It startled Clarke but she soon settled into the woman and rested her cheek on the other's head. The Sky girl's breathing eventually slowed, evening out, and Lexa whispered _ai hod yu in_ before she too fell asleep. The night was peaceful and the two were content together.

Sometime the next day Clarke returned to camp with the words Lexa whispered to a not so sleeping blonde swimming through her head. She had considered asking Lexa herself but she knew better. That girl wasn't much for translating for her and Clarke was not dumb enough to think what she said to a sleeping person would be translated before something said to someone awake. She was pretty sure she knew anyway but she still wanted to confirm. Clarke spotted Octavia relaxing off to the side alone and sighed reluctantly before approaching her.

"Hey Clarke, how was your night with the Grounders?" She smirked and waggled her eyebrows when she spotted the other approaching her.

"I'm probably going to regret this but..." Clarke sighed and ignored her teasing.

"Hm? What is it?" Octavia asked curiously.

"What does _ai hod yu in_ mean?" Clarke asked reluctantly.

Octavia choked on her own spit and her eyes widened into saucers. She seemed to be frozen in place and her mouth was gaping like a fish. The midnight haired woman struggled to form words before lurching into Clarke's personal space and grabbing her shoulders firmly. It startled Clarke and she jumped, staring into the intense gaze of her friend.

"W-What?" Clarke asked nervously.

"Let me get this straight, Lexa said _ai hod yu in_ to you? You're _sure?_ You're sure right?!"

"Y-Yes."

"Oh my god! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! I can't believe it! She...!"

"...Octavia?"

"Oh, right. Ahem. So... the Commander's in love with you."

This time it was Clarke's turn to gap like a fish. Even though that's what she expected given the circumstances she still hadn't believed it and now... Now Octavia was telling her that Lexa really had confessed to her last night. There was a long silence that followed with them just staring at each other. When some of the guys noticed how the two were whispering to each other frantically, they came over thinking the two finally made up and lightheartedly commented on it. Octavia snapped at them to "get lost" and said "this is a private matter". Everyone obeyed without question.

It was a long day where the two of them talked about how to handle this development. Clarke didn't want to ignore something like that but at the same time what was she to say? That she loved her too but she would have to wait. That was pretty brutal and they both knew it. Octavia asked if Lexa knew she heard her say that and Clarke confirmed she didn't.

"Maybe you should wait until you can give her a proper answer then." Octavia said. "Nobody wants to keep hearing 'I'm not ready yet' and you've already promised her a future right? I think saying anything about this can wait until you can say 'I love you too' without there being any buts."

Clarke could only reluctantly agree.


End file.
